To those seeking to charter a chummy afternoon feature; be warned, Two If By Sea offers nothing more than a choppy ride over waters of shameful filmmaking and wave upon wave of senselessness. The film maroons its audience on a two-hour wasteland of a buddy-pic overgrown with middle school humor: leave the life preserver and opt for a morphine drip. I can’t say I’m surprised that director Evan Judson chose this project; with a script that reads like a will, a bloated studio budget, and a cast with the acting talent of a beach umbrella it makes a pronounced addition to his collection of squandered celluloid. Jesse Bradford should be remaindered back to the street corner where the casting agency found him several years ago selling pencils. He seems so shrewdly content onscreen, shouting catchphrases at himself and contorting his face in response, that I’m sure he’s been practicing in front of a mirror every morning since age twelve. Ultimately, Two If By Sea perpetuates the notion that Hollywood is more than willing to stock their films with lifeless characters and global ignorance and set sail for international waters. All ashore that’s going ashore. Ugh.
No comments:
Post a Comment